So for all my good intentions last night I was shattered and thus went to bed without writing an entry. Having said that I spent most of yesterday asleep so really and truly I would have had bugger all to write about.
Today I saw Sam it wasn’t the best appointment I’ve ever had because as I think I’ve said on previous entries my mood has been on a downhill slope recently. I arrived and we were in a group room which was kind of odd as it was huge and there were just the two of us in it. I was really anxious throughout it which I think is in part due to the fact that I am generally really quite anxious at the moment and then there was the whole bundle of joy relating to the fact that I’d cut myself over the weekend. I was just shy of 3 months free and I just feel so guilty because I let Sam down we’ve done quite a lot of work relating to self harm and every time I’ve seen her and I’ve not done it she has been so chirpy about it.
She asked whether I’d tried to journal my thoughts down and I haven’t so I think I’m going to try and put them down here.
(edited out thoughts)
I’ve been resisting and fighting and so far it’s working to a point and I have to keep trying to fight it and hope that in time the thoughts ease up and things get better.
Keep resisting. I read on a link from mood garden that suicide is the result of mental pain exceeding coping mechanisms much like a mathematical equation, and the idea is to increase coping mechanisms / find new ones etc. What helps a person cope can be individual, some find cutting helps, others exercise control in other areas such as food, smoke, repeat things and so on, etc.
Take care x
Thank you
xox